Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Analysis

I sent off an article last night, after much dithering. Eric finished his grading. We lamented our mutual lack of productivity. We squabbled. "Why are we so irritable lately?" I asked him after showering. "They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it's been, what...nine months? Ten?"

"Well, partly it's the situation," he said. "Student teaching is probably annoying me subconsciously--"

"We're not getting as much sleep as we should," I said.

"Yup, and then the winter is dragging on, that's bothering us both."

"And there's the lack of money."

"No wonder we're irritable."

"I guess so." He went away and I toweled my head. A moment later I opened the bathroom door and called to him, "Do you think a lot of couples analyze themselves like this?"

"No," he said. "Maybe that's why we'll make it?"

Sunday, March 16, 2008

It's terminal.

My computer has cancer. It will frequently come up with the Active Desktop turned off, for no good reason. Occasionally I will get a ".../systemced file is corrupt" error, which means I have to boot with the Windows CD and go in and change a couple of things before I can boot up. Twice now, I get a BSOD that we've only been able to fix by hooking my hard drive up with Eric's and letting his system fix it. But then the problem comes back again. Eric says he will reformat my computer during spring break (in a week). I hope that will fix it. If not, at least it'll keep Eric busy for a time.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Angry addendum

And Eric's unemployment claim was denied because his employers lied to the unemployment agency. They lied. They said, "He was in no danger of being fired." (He was given the choice to give them a resignation letter rather than being fired outright and took it, on the advice of his student teaching advisor.) I just don't believe it. To start with, they're a Catholic Diocese, and doesn't one of their commandments specifically prohibit this sort of thing? And to end with, there's no reason for them to lie except to mess him up, and supposedly that's not what they were trying to do, and even if they were this is going a little far. He can appeal, and since it's their word against his--and he can probably get some of his ex-coworkers to give evidence that he had, indeed, been threatened with dismissal--he may or may not get the benefits. At this point I don't even care about the benefits, I just don't want them to get away with lying about this.

2008 is shaping up like 2002. I don't like it.

James called me last night, saying, "I want to bounce something off you." Here's the something: he's having regular stomach pains that feel similar (though not as bad) as the ones he had when he had pancreatitis recently. His surgery was a couple of months ago. Here's the background: he has no insurance, $1500 in hospital bills, $17,000 in credit card debt, and a lousy credit rating. He's working 60 hours a week at an auto shop which has promised him all the work he can handle and a manager's position in a year, but it's not much money right now. He doesn't want to ask our parents for money to go to the doctor because they've already given him a lot of money and he feels guilty. Here's the bouncing: should he go to the doctor or not?

I don't see him really expecting me to say "No, don't go, maybe it'll go away." I didn't, anyway. I inquired into his symptoms, mentioned surgical complications, told him that his health was worth a little more debt, and suggested calling the doctor's office to see if they have any suggestions on how to afford the bill, seeing if he could get help somewhere else--essentially, that he should do whatever he can. He didn't ask for money, which surprised me a bit--but then, he hasn't asked for money since, oh, 2003, when he was behind on rent, and I've given it to him anyway for Christmases and such. Maybe he was hoping I'd offer. On the other hand, he also knows that we're short an income ourselves.

I offered to look at his budget, and he says he's spending as little as possible, but then he was calling me while driving to visit his ex-girlfriend at $3.50 a gallon in his truck. (At least, I hope she's his ex. He's said that twice, though, and the first time it didn't take.) He says he sold a bunch of our old books for $30. (I got the chance to look through them last year, so as long as they didn't include the Mark Twain book I've been missing for four years, I don't care.) Also he says he's spending all his spare money on visits to his daughter, and while I can understand the desire to do that, I wonder if he shouldn't be using that money for his existing bills instead. And even if he gets insurance through his work (I think they offer it after six months, and he's had this job for three), this will probably qualify as a pre-existing condition and won't be covered anyway.

I would send money if we weren't already tight. As it is, I'm going to see whether we have any leeway or not--it depends on when our tax refund comes and whether Eric will be taking one class or two this summer and whether he can get unemployment--and if we do, send him something for an initial appointment at least. I don't like the idea of bailing him out, but he's been in financial trouble long enough to know that gifts from family aren't enough to support him and he's going to need to straighten out his affairs for any sort of long-term viability. He's already aware that Dad's work a second part-time job for him, and it sounds like he's much more aware of how much money our parents have given him than our parents think he is.

Now may not be the time to have scruples about asking them for money, though. Or me. I've been thinking about ways I could make a little extra money, to give us a little more cushion; now I'm thinking about ways I could make a little extra money to send to my brother's doctor.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Fear

So since Shoelace is rolling nicely (for now), I decided I would appoint Mondays and Thursdays as Work on Nonfiction days. I decided this last Thursday but didn't put it into action--I had what I thought was a genuine reason but I don't remember what it was. Today, then, was to be my first nonfiction day. As the hour of nine o'clock--writing time--approached, I felt myself get actually nervous. At about ten to nine Eric pulled me into some random Internet silliness, and I let myself be pulled in, even though I knew it would take a while (end time, ten fifteen), because I didn't want to work on writing today. And not because I don't want to write; because I'm nervous about working on nonfiction. Why is this? I don't know exactly, except maybe that I'm starting from scratch in this--that and timidly venturing on a path that I dream about but have never actually done anything about. I don't know why I'm afraid to start, rather than eager. I'm also not sure whether to try again tomorrow and make myself buckle down, or wait until Thursday to see if I can figure this out.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Hot drink, cold weather, cold cash

I have ascertained that rice milk is better than soy milk, at least for my purpose. My purpose is mixing half and half with Oregon chai concentrate. I tried it with soy milk and the result was unbearably sweet. This time it's just right except for a mildly sour aftertaste--but that's probably the tea itself, or perhaps a remnant of the lentil soup from dinner, and it's preferable to the supersweetness. I have yet to try it with hot cocoa, but I will sometime soon.

The snow was less bad than they predicted. We got about six inches all told, which was the lowest limit, but it stopped midafternoon, rather than the midnight we'd heard. We shoveled the driveways and the sidewalks and I was pleased to get some exercise.

I am contemplating various ways to make money in the next three months. This is because Eric's summer tuition is going to come due, and we can't get financial aid because they're not graduate classes (even though they're required for his graduate program). So we could take out a loan, or maybe get a 0% APR balance transfer on a credit card...or earn the money beforehand, which I'd prefer to do. We'll see whether any of the things I thought of are practicable, though.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Excuse, me, Firefox, but

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY BOOKMARKS?

Reading this post will increase your risk of expatiation by 43%.

This study says that in older women, those who ate more of current dietary guidelines (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, low-fat animal products) had a 30% less death rate from all causes, but especially cancer and cardiovascular disease.

This article describes two studies looking at the relationship between eating habits and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (cancer of white blood cells). One showed that people who ate most vegetables had a 42% lower risk of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma; the other showed a 51% lower risk. [I'm not sure exactly what they were looking at here--the study design sounds dubious the way the article describes it--but that's not relevant to my point.]

This article describes a study finding that people who increased consumption of fruits and vegetables by approximately two servings per day reduced their risk of head and neck cancer by 6%.

(Incidentally, the Book of Daniel apparently agrees with these studies, according to Wikipedia. I'll have to pull out my Bible and see if I can find this.)

I think the way they provide this information is interesting, and not very effective. "Vegetables/fruits/whole grains lower your risk of X, Y, and Z." It's a perfectly legitimate and honest way to present their findings. But it has no real impact to me, viscerally or psychologically. Why? I think it's because (a) I don't know what my base risks of X, Y, and Z are, and (b) my assumption is that my risk is pretty low ("it can't happen to me" fallacy). So why do I need to worry about lowering my risk any further? Can't be that important. Result: I don't really care about this information.

But what if the scientists and journalists wrote it this way? "Eating two or more servings of junk food daily increased older women's risk of death by 43%." "Replacing vegetables with junk food increases your risk of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma by 70%." That means more to me. They're telling me that this is something I'm (probably) doing that's endangering my health by a lot.

Admittedly, they'd have to redesign new studies to be able to say these things. But it's interesting that scientists are looking hard at what's healthy--on the assumption that we don't know--and ignoring what's unhealthy. The basic assumption that they, and we, seem to have, is that an unhealthy diet is the standard to judge all things by.

I wonder when this happened, and how it coincided with the growth of nutritional research. And I wonder what it would take to change it.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Frustrations

Well, I decided how to vote but it didn't matter. I mean, voting never matters, except that it always matters. You know what I mean.

2,325 words on Shoelace today, all at work. It was, as you might deduct, a slow day. I didn't mind. Maybe it'll happen again tomorrow.

My newest frustration: the hunter quest in World of Warcraft. Suddenly at the top level quests start to get hard. This seems kind of unfair, considering that the difficulty level had been approximately the same for sixty levels except for remembering what all the increasingly numerous buttons do.

Also, it snowed again. Ice/snow/sleet, specifically. More snow expected Friday. I hate this winter.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Indecision 2008

I have to vote today. And I don't know who to vote for. At least I always know my answer to school levies.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Hearth and home

I'm currently craving tofu-bean paste soup with chopped-up greens and sticky rice with black onion and a tiny bit of cinnamon. Apparently I'm having a childhood gustatory moment.

This weekend I made more rye bread (with oil this time; we'll see how it turned out when Eric finishes the current loaf), garlic-rosemary bread, and oatmeal bread. The oatmeal bread was 100% whole wheat and turned out flat and dense, but Eric liked the taste, so I'll give it another try with some AP flour substituted. I'm starting to feel baked out. At least this week.

This weekend we also went up to Ann Arbor to be maudlin about our ninth anniversary of meeting. I'm glad we'll be able to go up again for number ten, but after that we'll have to find another coffee shop to be sentimental in because we'll be on the West Coast if all goes well. Well, if all goes 67% well--we're figuring that in order to move, ideally three things would happen: he gets a good job, I get a good job, and the house sells. But we can still do it--potentially--with two out of three.

Incidentally, Eric's mom is considering buying the house next door to hers. It's $70K and could probably be negotiated down further so I can kind of understand her thinking--how can you pass up a bargain like that??--only that sort of thinking applies better to, say, shoes, or books, or maybe a nice set of pots, than a house. I asked her what she would do with it, and she said, "Whatever! Use the land, build a garage..." I'd say maybe she could buy our house, but it's less convenient and would cost nearly twice as much--well, depending on how the market goes over the next year.

I'm reading up on candidates to figure out who to vote for tomorrow. My phone keeps ringing with an 800 number. I don't pick up and they never leave a message.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Snapped

It's snowing. Again. MAKE IT STOP! TOMORROW IS MARCH! MY PARENTS ARE GARDENING! STOP SNOWING!

One more winter to get through here. <whimper> Just one more.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Daydreaming

I wrote 2024 words yesterday and hit 35K. Shoelace is in a fun stage. Have I been trying to write scenes that aren't enough fun? Hard to say. I'm in that interesting place where I can tell that what I’m writing is bad (or at least not what I want), but I can't tell what to do to fix it. For now, I'm forging ahead. Eric has been very good about, when I complain aloud that my writing sucks, saying either, "No it doesn't," or "We'll fix it later, shut up and write." I love how he says "we." I can imagine this story being a good one; I hope I can do the work to get it there. And yes, I can use his help.

I also shoveled snow with Eric, designed that Celtic cable and realized that it doesn't look right with this yarn, planted the blanket flower, and realized that our floors are filthy. I didn't used to be this bad a housekeeper. (I used to have half this square footage, too.) Sigh. Today, I came in to find leftover bagels and pastries on my desk and demanded to know whether my department had had a party to celebrate my being gone. They didn't; most of them were gone too. Yesterday we had loads of requests, naturally; today, not so much, so we're all slowly getting caught up. I'm daydreaming a bit more than I ought, but I think I can afford it.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Fuzzy-sock day

It is a fuzzy-sock day. This means: I'm staying home from work today. It's a level 2 snow emergency, and the snow is still coming down, and I have two floating holidays and the excuse of being from the Pacific Northwest. Work's been slow anyway and I have remote access, so I don't expect it to be an issue. Too bad there's no policy at work allowing me to take sick time instead, though. I haven't taken a sick day since I started there.

Today is a perfect day to get caught up on Shoelace. Last week my goal was 35K, but I didn't hit it. Today, however, why not? WOW isn't available and shoveling snow only lasts so long (and we don't even have milk for hot chocolate; even my soy milk is gone). I'm also going to ponder my one type of broccoli not coming up and see if I can figure out how to do a Celtic knot pattern for a hat I want to knit from some homespun. It'll be a nice, fuzzy, inside kind of day.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Eclipsed

I saw the lunar eclipse last night. The moon really does go red at totality. It was beautiful. I thought briefly about trying to take a picture, but we've done that before and it just doesn't come out well. And we're not photography hobbyists enough to buy a camera that will handle it, so I guess there will be no eclipse pictures from us, ever.

Yesterday Eric had class and then a networking thing to go to (dozens of science teachers gathering together and swapping ideas: scaaary stuff), so I planned to stay in, cook something yummy, get some stuff done. Which I proceeded to completely not do by getting sucked into my old journal entries from 2005. Not that it's brilliant writing, but that was such an eventful time, at least inside my own head, which is what was on the paper; and at about eight-thirty Eric came home and I realized I hadn't even eaten dinner, let alone done anything else I had planned. Tonight, however, is empty, and I brought a bohemian lunch today (rustic bread, cheese, and fruit) because there was nothing else to bring (since I have eschewed the way of the peanut butter sandwich except when going to Cedar Point) so I'd better cook something tonight (can't think what should go in these parentheses but the sentence structure seems to demand it).

The weekend is almost upon us, again, already, which makes me happy. But I don't like wishing my life away. However, that's how it is, at least right now. Saturday will be busy: I have the Toledo Seed Swap to go to, Eric has BASHcon (gaming convention), and then we both have the symphony that night. Sunday I expect to spend in a lot of sloth. And then the next weekend, I can start some more seeds. When I feel I'm wishing my life away, I don't know whether I’m waiting for the next stage of my life (retirement?) or just waiting for spring.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

On the hunt

Shoelace is at just over 32K. I love that I'm finally getting days where I just want to keep working on it and working on it. Even if it's dreck. And it is; it's monumentally lousy prose except for a few rare bits. But that's okay. This is only draft one, and I'm still getting back into the swing of things.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Let's try this again.

Why is this novel so much harder to write than the last one? I ask you. I'm up to about 30K, one of the two main characters is in prison, the other might as well be, but I'm finding it hard going and hating my own writing.

More baking this weekend: rye sandwich bread, olive sourdough, cookies, cinnamon rolls. The cinnamon rolls are wicked. I put in about two and a half times the amount of cinnamon called for, and it's too much, but not by a lot. I'll try them again when we've recovered from the cinnamon overload, but I think I'm close to adopting another recipe.

We'll see about the posting. I'm enjoying the garden blog, and thinking about looking for nonfiction work. Thinking in general. And feeling inclined to act, at least some of the time, which is excellent. We shall see where it leads.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

More rye bread (I forgot about it during the second rise and had to refold it and give it a third rise, but it seems to be okay) and sourdough and a sourdough olive bread that tastes exactly like the one Mom used to buy for me. I adore it. The only problem is that I didn't make enough.

So yeah. More bread. Writing is coming along, at least some, work's doing, etc. I'm less and less inclined to write here anymore. It's not the blogging thing in general; I'm still doing well with the garden blog. I don't know what it is.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Bread success

My rye bread search may be at an end. I tried a new recipe I found, appropriately named Eric's Rye, on Eric yesterday. He said it was pretty good; a little too chewy, but nice taste. Today he said it was great. (I looked it up later...apparently rye always tastes better the next day.) Still a little chewy, but I can fix that, and he may for the first time have a rye bread he really likes for his sandwiches. With a good rye, I may not have to work on the wheat-flaxseed sandwich bread...though I will. I'm working my way through the failed sandwich sourdough; once it's done, I can make something else good, like tomato-basil sourdough or olive bread. I love my new hobby. "Thank you for being an awesome baker," Eric said to me today. (I also made chocolate-chip cookies.)

Thursday, January 31, 2008

The coming cold

So yesterday: it was 16 degrees out; the river was frozen; our gas heat was out. So was the entire neighborhood's. They closed the schools due to cold, so a bunch of people noticed and called in, including us. Eric stayed home, shivering in the computer room with the electric heater on, and waited for the gas guy to come. The gas guy knocked but Eric didn't hear him because the heater was on, so the gas guy shut off our gas line and turned on the main line. Several hours later Eric called to ask "Where the heck is that guy with our heat?" and they got it sorted out, but the house was still cold by the time I got home that night.

We worked on our taxes, and had a sort of an issue relating to it that sucked up most of the night, so I didn't get much else done. I did talk to my brother, because he called, and gave him a little gentle advice on saving money. I bet if I could get ahold of his finances I could do wonders, but I don’t think he's at that point yet. He did ask if we were okay for money, and added, "Mom and Dad are terrified to ask." He said he's currently spending about $500 more a month than he makes, but he's working on cutting out the coffee, and buying cheaper food for his lunch, and thinking about how to get rid of his car--though I doubt he'll really do that last. At any rate, he's thinking about it, and that's good.

We're expecting snow this weekend, anywhere from three to twelve inches, depending on who you ask and which way the storm goes. I plan to bake a bunch of bread (sandwich rye and rustic rye, and maybe cinnamon rolls for Sunday) and clean the house (my God, my house is filthy) and do a bunch of writing. That's the plan, anyway.