Wednesday, February 15, 2006


I need to pull out my Korean textbook. We're going to Korea in the end of April and Mom and Dad have said we're not going to Seoul, because everyone but me has been there we want to spend our limited time with family in the countryside, but my brother called yesterday (when did he start calling me?) to say that Dad had told him a lot of people there spoke a little English and he was going to try to learn a little Korean so that we (when did he start liking me?) could maybe go out by ourselves an afternoon or two.

And I really need a job. Eric said yesterday that I was spending too much time playing computer games. Eric, who is signed up for a five-hour computer game raid on Saturday. Also I don't cook anymore and I have not vacuumed for a month.

And there is a dpn (double-pointed needle) lying to the left of my keyboard because I was knitting the heel of a sock (which only requires 2 of the 5 dpns) last night while Eric tried to figure out what's wrong with my computer. It's still shutting down, not so randomly as it was. We've ordered a new motherboard and a new CPU fan (because I need one anyway) to see if that will fix the problem. If it doesn't, I will be getting a library card. We went to the library the other day. It was lovely. We wanted to see if it would be possible to hold a wedding there, and we concluded it might but they probably wouldn't let us have food in there for the reception, so it wouldn't be worth it.

Barnes & Noble is the only bookstore chain around here that uses real paper applications instead of online personality tests. Maybe I have a chance. I'll run the application out today if I have the energy or tomorrow while I return the case fan we bought from Best Buy to see if that was the problem (I don't know; we never tried it).

And my cable connection is extremely flaky, which is why I'm saving this post and posting it later. Then I'll call the cable company, today if I have the energy, or tomorrow if I don't because Eric can't tolerate being over at my apartment if there isn't a working Internet connection. He doesn't have to be using it; it just has to be available.

I'm sick of this apartment and tired of being unemployed and worried that not having a job will ruin some of our plans. And still waiting to see why Toledo is supposed to be a nice place to live. I gave up a nice house and income for the chance to be happy here. I still can be, but I don't have enough reason yet. I don't know if I would feel like this if I weren't still relying on my own self to support me, but I'm feeling blah and discouraged and listless. It's a pain in the ass. I decided to focus on one thing a day to do. Today's is job applications. Tomorrow's is vacuuming. We'll see how it goes. Dad said yesterday that at least I made the choice to be where I am, which was supposed to be a comfort. I guess it is, a little. I still don't regret giving up my nice house and income; I just want something to replace them and I don't yet. So yuck. If someone--anyone--calls up and offers me a job, even as a typist or an Eddie Bauer salesperson (they have paper applications too), I'll feel better, I know. So I'm doing my one thing today and maybe it'll happen.


JLB said...

Keep the faith! Things will work out... job hunting is always a long process.

By the way, I know JUST what you're talking about with the need for the internet connection! We'll make our plans around where we can get online! :)

Jen(n) said...

From an outsider's perspective... Toledo is a nice place because Eric is there, and you gave up a nice house that you dreaded maintaining (or so it seemed) and an income from a job you hated. You're still an inspiration. :)