When claustrophobics come out of the closet

"Hi, this is Matt," said the message on Eric's phone, once we had used my phone to locate it. (It was under his desk.) "I was calling to talk to Jenny about the rice and beans meat substitute she made for tacos Sunday. There's a potluck I'm going to tomorrow. If you can, give me a call in the next hour or so, so I can go pick up ingredients."

I was extremely flattered. We had tacos for the not-a-shower, and I had made a Spanish rice with black beans in it that a couple people had praised (and that I like a lot; I had the last for lunch today), and Matt had said something about having a taco with that instead of meat, which I thought was quite the compliment.

It was two hours after he'd called and my mouth was full of homemade chocolate ice cream (excellent, except next time we'll definitely skip the chocolate chips--or maybe substitute with fudge), so it was a few minutes later that I called back. Matt is Eric's sister's husband, so he's my future brother-in-law squared, I think. Anyway, I got his voicemail, and said, "This is Jenny, sorry for calling back so late, we couldn't find Eric's phone. You've probably found something else for the potluck, but if not, give me a call, we'll be up for a couple of hours, my number is XXX-XXXX."

When I hung up Eric was giving me this I-love-you-for-this-thing-you're-doing look he gives me sometimes. I demanded an accounting. He said, "I like that you were flattered, and I like that you were willing to call him back."

I had come in a couple of hours ago from putting up rabbit fence around my garden because the kids in the backyard abutting ours were making me self-conscious, so my shyness was probably higher-placed in his mind than usual. I said, "Yeah, my last few jobs have been teaching me to keep the shy on the inside. Which is where it wants to be, really."

Some chick.

I had to call someone for a work-related purpose today. The woman who answered the phone said, "I'm sorry, he doesn't work here anymore. Who is this?" (I hate when people ask that. If the person I want isn't there we have no further business with each other, so what does it matter?) I said, "This is Jenny from ____, do you have any idea how I might be able to reach him?" She said, "I'm on the other line with him right now. Hold on, please." Then, evidently believing she had switched lines, she said, "Hey, some chick from ____ wants to talk to you."

After I let her know she was still on the line with me, I think she hung up--anyway, we got disconnected. When I called back, she was extremely apologetic and gave me the home number of the person I was trying to contact. When I called him, he, too, apologized. Fortunately I think it's funny, but if I had been someone different they might have had good reason to be sorry.

Oh, well, that explains it.

"…She's pregnant? Really?"

"Yeah, she went to the same in vitro specialist--"

"She wasn't sleeping around?"

"No, she's not a slut."

"It's too bad, it would make me feel better about myself if she were."

"--The same in vitro specialist as Courtney Cox."