We call it maudlinicating.

We went to the Maumee Bay beach yesterday, to scout it out as a possible wedding site. The idea of a wedding on the beach appealed to me until we walked down to the water and found a number of small silver fish washed up on the shore. Then we looked for a suitable place up on the grass. The lodge there wasn't bad either, but we'd both like to have an outdoor wedding if it will be feasible.

The whole wedding thing is sort of worrying me. Half of the projected guest list is here and half is in Washington, and my relatives are all saying I should do it out there, and I'd like to except that logistically it doesn't make sense. I'm supposed to have things like flowers and bridesmaids and I don't know much about either of them. Eric isn't sure who he wants in the wedding since it's his second. When we met his cousins in Atlanta they remembered me as that girl in the tuxedo, so they said "It's nice to see you again," when I was saying, "It's nice to meet you." My dad says my mom thinks I haven't been truthful with her about my relationship with Eric but she hasn't brought it up. I want to have a low-key, inexpensive wedding but I don't feel justified in asking thirty people to fly out for a small party. I'm probably going to have to fight to get enough vegetarian options on the menu if we cater. I still have no job to pay for any of these things.

Admittedly, these problems are not huge. They're just vaguely worrying. The only thing being engaged has really changed is having to actually deal with these issues instead of waiting for them. We already knew we weren't going to leave each other. We're thinking of buying--with his mom's help, because it would be an investment and it makes sense this way--the house next door, which is solid but in sad condition, and fixing it up and living in it until we move to the West Coast. His dad says moving to the West Coast (rather than staying in Toledo) would be a good move if Eric is serious about sticking with teaching high school. I've expressed concern a couple of times about our planning to move if I can't provide a financial reason to go and we've got things to tie us to Toledo, but he's firm about going: he knows I don't especially want to be here, and we're going to go. He's going to try to like it. (And Edith is going to try to convince Brenda to move out there as well.) We might stay or we might not; we're going to figure it out as we go along. Same with wedding planning, and how we'd fix up that kitchen, and getting me a job, and working on writing together, and fitting together our different financial and organization styles. That's what being engaged is like.